My Story

I've been writing for a while now, not regularly, but here and there, and I decided it was time to share some of my writing, and therefore my heart, with some of those around me. I'm not always a frequent writer, although I would like to be doing it more often, so we'll simply see how this goes.

A lot of my story right now, revolves around Aaron and I trying to add to our family. It's all really a long story, and someday I may share more of the details here, but here's a slightly shortened version. Six years ago, we found out we were expecting, but our world crashed when I miscarried at six weeks. We named him Joshua Jared. Four months after that, I was diagnosed with endometriosis, and given the advice to "get pregnant." Fortunately, that turned out to be easy and put the endometriosis into remission for a few years.
Even though I was terrified through much of being pregnant with Dune, there were no issues through those nine months, he was born strong and healthy, and now an cheerful, imaginative four year old takes up much of my time. When we decided to try for a sibling, we were expecting/hoping that things would continue to go along "normally." Even after losing Anastasios at five weeks, I placed my hope in both loses being "one of those things." After a missed miscarriage at nine weeks (Sayuri), it really started to settle in that something wasn't working the way it should. We began the process of talking to doctors. There was a lot of waiting, and in the meantime, we lost Tacey and Aliento.
After a particularly horrendous waste of time with my OB, I finally knew I had to put in the effort to talk with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Seventeen vials of blood and a few fun tests later, we were left with "undiagnosed infertiity." The only help the RE could offer was thyroid medication to bring thyroid function to a more optimal level.
After a year and a half of waiting for answers, it was time to try again. Getting pregnant hadn't been hard for us, so after a month we found ourselves with a positive pregnancy test. Unfortunately, our problem hadn't gone anywhere and we lost Nima. Somehow, this loss was especially hard to take and ttc (trying to conceive) was put on hold for a while.
As the new year came around, Aaron and I decided that this year would be it for us. We'll put whatever effort we can into this, and hopefully by the end of the year, we'll have or be expecting a new baby. But if not, we need to be done. Our hearts have almost taken all they can hold.

At the times my mind and heart aren't being consumed by this part of my life, I'm focusing on being a mom, slowly learning to parent with purpose and always with grace. I'm figuring out how to teach a little human about everything - manners, self-discipline, dealing with emotions, responsibility, communication, kindness, healthy habits, dinosaurs, outer-to-space, and what's inside his body!
It didn't take long to realize that many of things I was learning about how to be a mama - responding to emotions, dealing with my own, assuming good intentions, allowing space for mistakes, having appropriate expectations - also transferred to my marriage. We're almost ten years in, and sometimes I feel like we're still newlyweds with all I have to learn. There are many things I'm working on, but I rest knowing that our love runs deep and our relationship is strong. We've seen each other through a lot of heartache and we hold to each other through it all.

My little family currently lives in a small village at the edge of a big city. Aaron is the assistant pastor at the church we see out our front window, and Dune and I love having him so close by. Coming here was one of the best things to happen to our family. It's not been perfection without flaw, but I'm often reminded of how this is the place God has brought us to, and how well it fits our family right now. Living here is a constant reminder of his grace.