His Grace is Sufficient

Trust. I've had a number of people tell me to just trust Jesus as I go through this difficult time of being pregnant after multiple losses. To trust Jesus and not be afraid.
Sometimes I wonder what it is I'm supposed to be trusting him for. Because I trust that he loves me. I trust that he has deep care for what happens to me. I trust that he works all things for the good of those who love him. But my fear - my fear is that my baby will die. And he hasn't promised me that they won't. He hasn't promised me that things will turn out exactly how I want them to. He's promised me eternity and that I will be reunited with my little ones there, but not that I will get to see them grow and learn here. He's promised comfort in grief, but not that I won't go through grief.
I do believe that somehow it is possible to be so secure in his love and goodness that we are unshaken by the ideas or reality of what this world can do to us, but I don't know how to get there from here. The scars of my losses run so deep that they are ingrained on my soul. And he's done a lot of healing there, but the edge of fear remains, waxing and waning with the events of each day.
Here's what I do know: perfect love casts out fear. There is no fear in my heart of punishment, recrimination, shame, or his disappointment in me. He knows my fear. He knows exactly how large or small it is. He knows the form of it, the shape, the intricacies of it. He knows me. He knows my failings, my weakness, my burden, and he doesn't frown on me, scold me, or grow frustrated. He sits with me. He loves me. Even when my fear is at its greatest, overwhelming me, striving to keep me from any semblance of peace, he holds me and refuses to let go. His grace is sufficient for me.

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:13-14