It's Not Normal - Learning about Endometriosis

Alright, people. If your cramps send you home from work, school, or any other normal part of your life, that's not normal. If you feel nauseous during your period, that's not normal. If your period makes you feel like you might pass out, that's NOT normal.
I've been hearing so many stories lately of people living with these things, among others, hating it, but assuming their periods are just out of the average. I lived like that for a long time. I had no idea that cramps that sent me home, bleeding that went on for seven days, feeling like I was going to throw up when my cramps were the worst, and the backache that accompanied it all was anything other than just bad periods.
When I had my first miscarriage, it somehow triggered a pain in my side that wouldn't quit. I saw a few different doctors, but it wasn't until I came across a list of symptoms of endometriosis that I realized that I'd been dealing with this disease for years, and that other parts of my life that I'd never thought about (bowels that were never regular in any way) were actually symptoms of the same disease.
Endo is a condition were the enodometrial cells that are supposed to line the inside of your uterus, somehow find their way to the outside of it. But being cells that are designed to work a specific way, their location doesn't stop them from responding to the monthly hormone shifts and trying to shed when along with the ones that are in the proper place. Since they don't have an exit, I'm sure you can see how this would lead to a lot of pain. These cells continue to grow and spread and can cause scar tissue, cysts and adhesions between various organs, pulling them out of place or damaging them.
It took a few more months and doctors appointments to finally convince my then current OB to do a laparoscopy - the only definite way to diagnose endometriosis. Sure enough, it was the cause of all the crap that went along with my cycle. Since then, I've learned a lot more about this disease, experienced temporary remission from being pregnant, and gained a few new symptoms, like aching hips and legs.
Along with the things I experienced some of the most common symptoms of endo are pain during ovulation, pain during sex, pain during urination or bowel movements, fatigue, premenstrual spotting, irregular periods, and infertility. If any of this sounds familiar to you, I want to strongly encourage you to see your doctor.
Unfortunately, one of the biggest troubles with endo is the simple fact that not a lot is known about it. Despite affecting somewhere between 10-20% of women, it often goes undiagnosed for years, or even miss-diagnosed by many doctors. If your doctor brushes you off or chalks your symptoms up to some other cause, get a second opinion, or even a third. Pursue answers, do research, find others who've been through it and learn from them. Endometriosis is a progressive disease, who's pain levels and amount of damage being done don't always correspond to each other.
Don't keep living assuming what you're going through is just "normal."

Some good places to start with research:
Endometriosis Foundation of America
Endometriosis Resolved
Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists of Canada - Enodmetriosis

Protective Mode

I think babies are wonderful. I think every baby is something worth celebrating. I think every single one is beautiful and precious and someone to be treasured. I really do.
So I ask you to forgive me if I don't celebrate with you, if I don't congratulate you, or ask about your pregnancy, or coo over your your beautiful bundle. Please forgive me if nothing related to the topic ever crosses my lips.
I've been in a lot of different places emotionally as we've gone through our losses. I've been in places where I've felt depressed, bitter, or jealous when I hear that someone is expecting. I've been in places where I was at peace or even thoroughly, genuinely excited for others when hearing their happy news. But right now, I'm in a place where it just hurts.
Every pregnancy announcement, every expectant belly, every ultrasound picture, every wrinkly newborn creates an ache, a physical pain in the center of my chest and that oh so familiar pressure behind my eyes. I've figured out that this is the moment when my brain hits the off switch. It goes into protective mode and just disconnects from all of this. Instead of progressing over and over to full blown heartache, it shuts that part of me down. I don't comment about your pregnancy, because I can't. I find myself physically unable to utter the word, "congratulations." I avoid looking at your pregnant belly, because if I start "seeing" it, I will stare and stare until the tears are pouring down my face. My brain refuses to engage the topic.
Please know that I'm not asking you to keep it a secret, to avoid sharing, or in any way alter how or when you talk about these things. I'm not asking for you to accommodate me as you rejoice and celebrate something that I want you to have complete freedom to rejoice about and celebrate. I'm just hoping for a little understanding when I don't join you as I wish I could. It's just my brain trying to protect my heart.